When and When Not To (part 2)

This was originally going to be about self-confidence and what it does to the safety of you and those around you.  Unfortunately something occurred in the last few days to bring about an impromptu addition of “When and When Not To.”

This is how I feel about fight clubs:

I would also like to note that in the movie Fight Club the fight club in question was started by a schizophrenic sociopath.  Also, the film itself was about much more than a bunch of dumbasses beating the crap out of each other.  Excuse my “French” but I feel very strongly about this.

So, by now you may have guessed that one or more of my teenage students participated in this idiocy and you would be right.  This has happened twice in my martial arts tenure and the result was the same both times: the student was kicked out of the school.

And rightly so.  You could argue, weakly in my opinion, that kicking the student out would be counter-productive, that the school should help rehabilitate the student rather than sever contact.  My response is simple – there is a line that was crossed and the student must take responsibility for their actions.  This isn’t the case of an eight year old miss-using his or her martial arts on the playground.  That has happened as well and that is a time that you want, and need, to keep the student in the school because they are still learning.  Even then, they know they messed up and learning is already in progress.

But in high school after years of training as a martial artist?  No, you know what’s right and wrong.  To willingly, intentionally harm another person is opposite everything we teach.  I can say with absolute certainty, “I didn’t teach that!”  I take it personally as an insult to my teaching and everything the school stands for.

Did I fail the student?  No, the student failed me.  Harsh?  Yes.  Arrogant?  Possibly but there are times when this sort of thing is true.

Do you give up an the student?  Do I give up on the student?  No, but I will admit I’m human and this affects me greatly.  Mostly I’m angry and in order for me to move forward I will have to get past that and in instances like this it will take a little time I’m sad to say.

I’ve never said this before but feel I need to now.  The opinions expressed in this blog are my own and do not reflect those of anyone else including my Chief Instructor, fellow instructors and those that I teach.  I always welcome comments and criticism because I feel those who make it, should be able to take it.

When and When Not To (part 1)

You’re seven years old and it’s recess.  You and your friends are just hangin’ around when the school bully walks up to you.  He’s bugged you in the past and you’re sure he’s going to bug you again, especially since he’s in a “wedgie phase.”  You’ve had enough.  You have taken some martial arts and you are finally going to stand up to him.  He walks up and you throw a punch at him.

WRONG.

How wrong is this?  Well for starters:

• You started it.
• You hit him without warning.
• You probably missed.
• You both got hurt.
• Others may have gotten hurt.
• You both ended up in the principal’s office.
• You misused your martial arts.

“But . . . but . . . but . . .”

No “buts” about it.  You were wrong.

A responsible and respectful martial artist uses their art to keep themselves and their loved ones safe and healthy.  Period.  End of story.  No more questions.

But how can you tell when the use of force is necessary?  Not all situations are as cut and dry as a bully hitting you.  And how do you avoid becoming the bully yourself, as in the example above?

Youth Intermediate Class at True Martial Arts Overlake

And . . . how do you teach it to others?

There are many reasons people take up the martial arts.  Some do it for fitness, personal growth or to challenge themselves.  Others do it to be safe.

Be safe?  What is it to be safe?

Being safe is different things to different people but it usually involves a lack of fear and having piece of mind for yourself and those you care for.  That’s still pretty broad but most people know when they’re safe and when they are threatened.  They also have a good idea when they themselves are threatening.

To put it just into words, you should do just enough to keep safe.  Knowing what that limit is can be very easy or very difficult and making sure that younger students know what that is is the responsibility of the instructor and parents.

We have a simple method we teach if someone grabs you.  As you progress through the ranks the grabs get more complex but the foundation is pretty much the same.  It’s a three step method:

1. Release – get out of the grab, usually by moving the arm through the open fingers of the grab.
2. Yell “No!” – get attention to yourself.  “No!” creates interest where “Help!” may cause avoidance.
3. Escape – get to a safe person or place.  Not just away, but to a place of safety.

You’ll notice that there was no striking or attacking involved.  The idea is to be safe, not escalate the situation.  While this method is useful for all, it is most important for kids.  The odds just are not with a kid if they try and fight an adult.  It can also lead to a violent reaction, even if that wasn’t the original intent.

One of the most important aspects of teaching this type of drill is to make sure the students take it seriously.  Usually the younger they are, the more you need to stress this.  I’ve taken a fairly excited class and stopped it cold to make a point about not giggling during a self defense drill.  I’ll need to get the tempo back in the class but for that one moment it needs to be real.

When do you use force?  Should you avoid force at any cost?  Personally I do not believe that you should avoid using force at all costs.  There are too many instances where you cannot guarantee being safe while avoiding force.  Too much is in the hands of the bad guy.  The trick is knowing how much to use and not to cross the line into being the aggressor.

Be safe.  If that means escaping then you escape.  If it means controlling the bad guy then do so.  If that is not an option and in fact there are no options then you need to finish it.  You need to be safe.

Part 2 – safety in confidence and confidence in safety.

Breakthroughs (yes, it’s a pun)

I have to admit it, there’s something immensely satisfying about breaking a board with your own bare hands, or feet, or other handy body part. 

There’s actually a lot behind a successful board break.  And also a lot behind an unsuccessful one if you take time to think about it.

To begin with, why you are doing it is important.  If you’re doing it to show off then you’re probably don’t have the right mind set.  Breaking a board simply to impress someone else, or yourself isn’t the purpose of a board break.

There’s a quote from Enter The Dragon by Bruce Lee at the beginning of his first match in the tournament.  His opponent breaks a board on his head and Lee simply responds, “Boards do not fight back.”  Breaking a board on your head just before you are about to fight someone may not be the brightest move in the world. If you’re doing it to intimidate your opponent then you probably have your priorities mixed up.

Breaking a board is used to demonstrate technique, power and focus.It is commonly done at seminars, tests and public demonstrations.  They may appear easy to some but a person can create a good number of barriers between themselves and a successful board break.  Completing one is quite an accomplishment.

---

Conner Goan Performing a flying sidekick board break.

Conner after the successful break.

---

There are three basic types of breaks, each with their own unique challenges.  Difficulty can be increased by breaking multiple boards or combinations of breaks.

• Power Beak – Using raw power to perform the break.  Examples of this are a simple hammer fist or knife hand through a board or boards supported by cinder blocks.  It is interesting to note that breaking multiple boards without spacers is much more difficult than breaking more than one board separated by spacers.
• Speed Break – While speed is important in all breaks a speed break relies solely on speed and good technique.  The student substitutes speed for power, going through the board fast enough to break it.  The board is unsupported and can even be dropped or tossed.
• Chi Break – Possibly the hardest break to understand, the chi break uses energy built up inside to explode out of the body and break the board.  The hand or foot rest lightly on the board, supported by blocks or holders and when they are ready allows their hand or other weapon to break through the board.  This break requires the ability to focus and direct your energy.  It may sound strange but I have done the break and the board did break.

Obstacles that prevent a student from breaking aboard other than the board itself are primarily internal.  There are instances where the student doesn’t have the physical aspect to break a board – they lack the strength or have not developed enough to properly perform a certain technique.  As one would guess this is usually in the younger students and it is the instructor’s responsibility to insure the students safety.

Distractions, fear, doubt, over confidence are all factors that can contribute to an unsuccessful break.  Before a student performs a break I will ask them a simple question, “Are you going to break this board?”  If the answer is anything other than “yes” the student and I take time to insure the student knows they can perform the break.

As an instructor I try not to let my students attempt breaks I know they cannot perform.  This isn’t to say I know every break a student can and cannot do, but after doing this for over ten years there are certain breaks that I know are simply beyond certain people at certain periods in their training.

The student attempts the break and if everything comes together and if all goes well, the board breaks.  If not, well the best that can be hoped for is a little embarrassment on the student’s part.  Worst case is an injury.  This is why any break should be performed with appropriate supervision.

The student practices the break, they bow to the teacher and . . .

“Crack!”

They’ve triumphed over fear and doubt.  They have taken what they have learned and demonstrated it to themselves and others.  It is immensely rewarding, especially if the break has been one that the student has been unable to do in the past.  Even those watching can feel the exhilaration and triumph.

And you now have kindling for the winter months.

True Story #4

When I was finished teaching I went into the dressing room to change so I could pick up our daughter.  I get into the dressing room and there are just two people – one of the other instructors who has a number of tatoos and piercings and one of his students, about seven years old.  I walk in and the kid looks right at me and says, “Never mind.”

???????

Wednesday: Praise Correct Praise

Positive reinforcement is not only an important part of learning, it’s vital to how we develop as individuals.  In society it seems that we tend to emphasize the negative, it’s just that we take notice of it more.  In order to counter this strange tendency we have to remember to reemphasize the positive time and time again.

This is especially true in martial arts. We as instructors have to remember that everything we do is an example to our students, whether we plan it that way or not.  A flippant comment to another instructor can have lasting effects and you may never be aware of it.  You have to train yourself to be your best all the time.

After all isn’t what this is all about?

When teaching a student the basic plan is pretty straight forward.  The student is given the information in some manner or form and then is validated by the teacher.  But what if the student doesn’t get it right the first time?  It has to be corrected and this can be done in any number of ways, many of them dangerous and harmful.  Avoiding destroying the students desire to learn is the most important aspect in teaching.  If you simply tell a student they’re wrong you aren’t doing anyone any favors, even if you seem fit to give them the correct information.  This process has to reinforce what the student has already learned and leave them with the desire to learn more.  Once the desire to learn has been beaten down, it can be an overwhelming task to restore.

Praise. Correct. Praise.

It’s been my experience that everyone in their life has that one teacher that changes them, gives the student the ability to change themselves.  I’ve had many wonderful teachers in my life, but the one person who stands out in my life is the late Sa Bum Nim Thomas Zoppi.  Not my first martial arts instructor but the one who left the lasting impression in me.  It’s interesting that I was in my thirties when this person changed my life.

One of the core values he taught me was that as an instructor we need to praise, then correct and praise again.  It’s not correct, then praise.  It starts with praise, laying the foundation of a positive learning experience.  Then the student is more receptive to improvement which can also include correction.  Then to reinforce the experience, praise again is used.

Honest, sincere valuable praise.  Not a hollow compliment that the student knows isn’t true either because they know they weren’t doing it right or they have heard that particular compliment so many times before it has lost any of it’s meaning. 

Using Praise. Correct. Praise. also reinforces the students desire to learn more.  This is the win.

Sometimes at the end of class I’ll ask each student what they learned in class that day.  I’ve never had a student give me an answer that wasn’t honest and sincere, especially when I ask it this way:

“What did you learn today, or what did you get better at?”

Sometimes we can forget that getting better at something is a learning process in its own right. Not only does this time let the student reflect upon their progress that day, but it allows another opportunity to reaffirm a positive class for the student from the instructor and themselves.

At the end of the day it’s the smile of a student as they leave that is the best praise I can receive.

Monday: Teaching Teachers

One thing I hadn’t thought of when I started teaching was that one day I would be teaching instructors myself.  I didn’t realize this at any single moment, it didn’t come as some sudden epiphany accompanied by a chorus of “Hallelujah!”  It was a realization that as I was teaching the class, the assistant instructor was also learning from not only the tasks I had given to them, but from my teaching the class as well.

Sounds like a no-brainer but when you are actually on the floor doing it, you don’t often consciously think about every single thing you do.  You can’t otherwise you would end up self-obsessed and taking up all the mirror time.

This also made me think back and reflect on the teachers I taught with and who through direct and indirect action taught me. The first two instructors who taught me were, and are some of the most experienced instructors in our school.  They also had very different teaching styles, both with students and with the assistant instructors they taught with.

One was very precise about what he wanted done, how it was to be done and what his expectations afterward were.  The other was just the opposite in that he would simply give me a drill to run, or something broader to work on, such as kicks (it is Tae Kwon Do after all.)  On top of that one class immediately followed the other.  It was a memorable experience, and one that proved to be very valuable to me just because it was not only very  different, but challenging as well.

When a student is just starting out the new assistant instructor can tackle it in a variety of ways.  It has been my experience that the older one is, the more nervous they become.  I guess youth doth have its advantages.

This also can be two very different sides of the same coin – watching an instructor throw themselves into the task at hand and wondering if they are going to sink or swim.  It is my responsibility as well as the other senior instructors at the school to make sure that doesn’t happen, and that the class is not adversely affected by it.

The new instructor who is overly cautious presents a different challenge.  They tend to doubt themselves and unfortunately students can smell this in an instructor.  The adults are usually more forgiving, but the younger ones will understand too, unless you try to full them.  That’s never worked in my ten years of doing this.  The ones you have to watch out for are the parents.  This is there kid you are teaching and you had better do it right!  I find myself frequently looking to the parents, desperately trying to read their thoughts.  That also hasn’t worked in the ten years I’ve done this.

The golden rule here is simple:

Teach what you know.  If you don’t know then find out.

We use a requirement book that can be referred to by any instructor, and is, including the chief instructor.

Imagine that!

Another aspect that is central to how we teach is positive reinforcement.

Praise. Correct. Praise.

You will notice it does not say anywhere to ridicule the snot out of the student, or tear them down, or berate them.  Aside from the fact that these people are paying you, not the other way around, it reinforces the core values you are teaching.

At least it should.  And this applies to the instructors and assistant instructors.  We learn from our teachers not only by what they tell us, but how they do it, and why.

We pick this up and learn from it, all of us and it is an aspect of what we do that should never be undervalued.  We teach positive values so that our students and teachers take this with them to make life better.

Simple really.

True Story #3

I was watching the kids “warm up” before class  and something caught my eye.  They were out on the floor practicing and stretching. I noticed one of the students uniforms was a little more faded than the rest.  This really isn’t extraordinary or surprising.  Parents try to get as much mileage out of a uniform as possible before the kid is completely incapable of wearing it.  This one just looked a little faded.  They probably were at the end of their useful life.  The mom was a good friend and I decided to talk to her after class.

The class went well and I my obsession with uniforms drifted from thought.  At the end of the class I watched them leave and noticed the contrasting uniform.

I went up to the mom, a bit nervous.  Who likes to tell a mom their son is wearing a warn out uniform?  Not me and I’ve been doing this for nearly ten years. 

I approached her and stumbled into saying, “About [insert name here]’s uniform . . .”

“Has he grown out if it already?” she asked.

“No, it isn’t that.  It’s just a little . . . faded.”

Her eyes looked to the heavens above.  “Where did he get that one?  Probably just pulled it out of any old pile.”

At this time he walked up and the mother looked at her son for a second.  Then she asked, “What are you wearing?”

The kid looked a little guilty, but not much.  After all, he had almost gotten out the door.

“Are those your trousers?”

He just smiled as the mother and I took a closer look.  Sure enough they were just plain pants that looked almost, but not quite, like uniform pants.

Any thoughts about a lecture about the proper uniform or appropriate dress while wearing your belt simply evaporated.

The Bully

This started out as a plain, direct talk about bullies.  It came about when a student asked a simple question,  “What do you do when a bully threatens you?”  I told them that although there is no simple answer the most important thing is to keep yourself safe.  Do what you have to do to keep yourself safe.

But nothing more.  Don’t make the situation worse.  There may be repercussions already but remember you are safe.  It may not even seem fair.  That’s not important, being safe is.

You don’t want to become a bully yourself.

And that got me thinking about something that had happened a long time ago.

I was no older than ten years old when I was terrorized by a bully. And I don’t think terrorized is too harsh a word.  There was one instant where I was sitting in the back of our cramped school bus.  The bus was overloaded and I had to sit where I could find enough room just to barely fit.  Unfortunately this time I was directly opposite this bully.  He was a year ahead of me in school but seemed much older, and likely was.

He was mean.  There were no two ways about it and everybody knew it.  What he was doing on the bus was beyond me, he rarely went to school.

I sat across from him, he was on one side of the aisle and I on the other.  He spent the entire bus ride hitting me on the knee, hard.  I can still see the grin on his face as he hit me, time after time.

“What you gonna do?  Cry?” he would ask, laughing.  I didn’t know what to do, I was trapped in the back of a bus full of screaming kids.  I wasn’t popular, or very strong.  I wouldn’t be in the place I was if I had been.

I took it.  And yes, I was on the verge of tears.  My stop came and I ran off the bus, the driver completely oblivious to what had happened.  Welcome to the world of a picked-on ten year old.

Some time after that, when I was a bit older a friend and I were taking the activity bus home.  It was for people who participated in sports and the like.  The bus didn’t go to all stops so we had quite a ways to go after we got off.  We decided to cut through a camp that was near our houses and cut the walk in half.  We were walking down a path when he came on us.  I don’t even remember where he came from.  Just that this time was different, he had a knife.

What do you do?

My friend and I just tried to keep walking, We said some stuff, asking him what he wanted.  All he did was grin and threaten us.  We continued to walk and all of a sudden he left, cursing and calling as wimps.

To this day I have no idea what really happened.  I truly believe that it could have gone any number of ways that day, none of them as good as what did happen.

What do you do when you are confronted by a bully?  Am I telling you to take it?  To do nothing?

No, in this case something very important had happened over time.  He had gone from being just a bully to something worse - a violent, dangerous person.

I don’t know what happened to this person and a part of me is sorry that I don’t care.  I’ve heard many possible things that had happened and don’t know what to believe.  I just know none of them involved redemption.

What bothers me most about this whole thing isn’t the pain I went through, it isn’t the trauma I had as that defenseless kid, none of that.  What bothers me is that I don’t care what happened to that person.

I don’t think we should feel that way about anyone and I resent being put in that position.

Lesson learned – don’t become the bully.

True Story #2

Belt promotions are an important part of the martial arts experience.  It is a recognition of achievement, of growth, of another step towards your Black Belt, and beyond.

It is a solemn, respectful occasion where it isn’t uncommon to become emotional when accepting your belt.  For example these solemn words spoken at the last belt promotion at our school.  We were all seated as the sixteen year old student received her Advanced Brown belt, last of the colored belts.  She thanked her family, her instructors and then, “Cool nose piercing.”

Bo Ja Nim Drew Pocza

Her eyes had caught the “jewelry” of another student in class, and as she told me afterwards she just had to say something.

To be fair, we were all in our street clothes for a class exercise and the student with the “cool nose piercing” was dressed as he would have been outside the school.  I’m pretty sure it was the first time she had seen her fellow student in “normal clothes.”

This was a special advancement for her and it was made more so by a candid and thoroughly sincere comment.  And it was appreciated by everyone in the best way possible.

The student with the tattoos and piercings is also one of our instructors and is the nicest guy you could meet.  You can learn more about him at www.pocza.com

True Story #1

One of my classes is an intermediate youth class, ages 7-10 (or thereabouts).  This particular one is currently mostly girls and takes place on our smaller floor.  The floor is wider than it is long so when I want to do any type of drill that requires some distance the class will line up in smaller lines facing the end, which in this room is either the back of the building or the parking lot.  The parking lot is slightly more appealing than the back of the building so we usually start out facing the parking lot and moving in that direction.

Today we were working on kicks and the class was moving from one end to the other.  A simple drill that lets me get a feel for how the student has progressed once they have learned the basics of the technique.  There are any number of drills but my assistant was working with some other students and this allowed me to take a look at the group as a whole as well as individually.

We started out and the class progressed through the clips, moving down and back on the floor.  Once, when the class was about half-way down the floor moving towards the window one of the blue belts raised her hand to ask a question.  Nothing surprising, my students were encouraged to ask questions and I stopped the drill.  We bowed and she asked her question.

“Instructor, may I get my brother out of the rain?” and she pointed to the sidewalk outside.  Sure enough there was her brother having a grand old time out in the rain.

“I’ll take care of it,” I smiled.  I stepped off the floor, moved past the smirking parents and ushered the free spirit into the room.

And then we continued our kicks.

The “Twister!”

I think the most rewarding thing about teaching is watching the kids grow.  That and messing with their minds.

One of my kids, the “Twister” is all energy.  Remarkable since the kid is just six years old.

Why yes, I don’t have a child of my own.  Why do you ask?

I know better.  We’re also expecting our first child in June and a lot of parents are pretty happy that I’m finally going to get mine.

What I mean by the energy comment is that in a class that ranges from a dozen to a dozen and a half kids they can all manage to stay in a stance for at least thirty seconds.  Not the Twister.

At first I thought the kid was . . . I don’t know.  I’ve taught autistic students, students with ADHD, students that were just plane contrary.

No problem.

The Twister?  I was thankful that I had an assistant to keep reign on him.  I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do short of stapling his feet to the floor.

And then I saw it.  It was in his eyes.  It was in his motion.  It was in his desire, it was in his heart.

He was trying AND he was succeeding.  He made a point of showing me that he could do his form, all by himself without any help.  This had been a challenge for us.

And he met it.

He’s still got the energy of a tornado but now I know it’s going the right way.

Just watch out for the Twister!

The Why and the Wherefore

So.

Why am I doing this?  Is it to extend my influence over the youth of America?  Am I trying to create a blog that will generate thousands, no millions of hits? Is it to promote the one true martial art?  Am I trying to positively influence my students in becoming better people?

Wait, how’d that last one get in there?  That’s actually close to the truth.  I must be slipping.

Influence?  No, not quite right.  Empower, maybe?  Nope, sat in on too many meetings to want to wish that word on any one.

I want to promote positive growth.  I don’t want to sound like I just came out of a meeting led by the Pointy-Haired Boss.

Here are the tools, here’s the path.  Now use them to discover how great you can be.

(And try not to get too mad at the instructor when he calls you by your sister’s name.  We’re just as human as you are.)

The First Step is the Hardest

I wasn’t born an instructor.  I wasn’t even born a martial artist.  There is something about a person that naturally moves with grace, reacts with an instinct that is uncanny and has the drive that I could only dream of having.

I didn’t have that.  I had to do it the hard way.

It all started with my wife.  Well, my wife-to-be at the time.  I had always had a passing interest in the martial arts but didn't pursue it until I met my wife.  She had been at it for quite some time while I was an innocent bystander.

The key word here is “bystander,” not “innocent” as you may be inclined to think.  I was just watching, my fear of looking ridiculous preventing me from taking that first step.  You see, I was also starting late.  I was in my mid-thirties and was still sitting on the sidelines, a bystander.

Being an adult I was acutely aware of the horrible things that could happen if I were to make a fool of myself.  I knew that I would be directly responsible for earthquakes, monsoons, bank failures and the return of Rosanne Barr to prime time if I so much as took a wrong step.

Seriously.

Wouldn’t you be afraid?

Well, the iron clad logic began to wear down and then came the day that I took my first class.

And eleven years later Rosanne Barr still has not returned to prime time.