Don’t Quit

 

Marty Budinger as a white belt (2nd from right)

The student that wants to quit is one of the most difficult obstacles an instructor can face.  There can be any number of reasons the student wants to stop training and each one has its own unique hurdles to overcome.  These reasons can center around the age of the student, their rate of advancement, their interest level, any number of distractions outside the class, or any number of other reasons.

The sad part is that to the student, any one of these reasons can sound valid, and in fact may be valid.  The problem needs to be finding the value in the training for the student.  without the value for the student, they have no reason to be there other than their mother told them to.

The Parent

Speaking of the parent, it is often the parent that starts the student down the path of training.  They can do it for any number of specific reasons but the end result is the same – they want their kid to be a better person.

After spending what should be a significant amount of time finding the right school with the right values the real investment for the parent begins in time, money and emotional energy.  Kids may not appreciate just how much the parent puts into their training. It’s more than just paying their tuition and driving them to class.  Often I think they miss that.

We require each student to make a speech every time they are promoted through the ranks.  This may sound tedious at times but it’s done for a very good reason.  We want the student to think about what got them to that specific achievement, including the effort they made themselves.  We also want them to think about what their family has done to support them.

The School

The school is where it all happens and it is more than four walls and a ceiling.  It doesn’t even have to be that.  Our particular school started in a garage.  others have begun in parks, rec centers and other unimaginable places.  It’s not the building that makes the school, it’s the community.

And the loss of a student affects not only the student, but that community as well.  The strength from a growing student can come from within, but often that path can be found through those around them.  the inspiration of the school leaders, the guidance of the senior staff and chief instructor, the daily activity with friends, old and new.  All of these things come together to help the student grow and advance.

The Friend

When a student leaves, they can take a friend with them.  Many times they started together and when one walks away, the other follows.  There are those gratifying times that the second student stays after a friend leaves.  The loss of the first student is grave enough, for all involved most importantly that student but when the friend stays it means they have made the art their own.  It has become something special to them and not just something they do because someone else does it.

The Instructor

The instructor is more than just a martial arts student.  They have made the commitment to not only take what they have learned and pass it on, but to invest a part of themselves in each and every student.

If that is not the case, find another school because what is being taught, what is being imparted to the student is far too important to be left in the hands of someone who does not care.

That is what makes a truly great instructor – they care.  They care about each and every student the teach.  I didn’t realize the truth of this until I put it in these words, but it’s true.  From the mother who has adopted her entire class of six-year old white belts to the rough-around-the edges master who sounds like he would tear your head off at an improper stance, they care.

You wouldn’t be learning from them if they didn’t.

The loss of a student is heartbreaking.  Not only does it mean that in some way, somehow they failed to live up to their purpose for that one student but they have lost a part of themselves.

The Student

The student is everything I’ve written and more.  Each student starts on a journey and only that individual can walk that path.  If you stop, if you quit you have no idea what you have missed, what you may become.

Look at the first photo, look at the one below.  I don’t have words for the empty space that would exist if Kyo Bum Nim Marty had quit.  Thankfully I don’t have to.

Sr. Instructor Marty Budinger testing for 3rd Degree Black Belt

The Four Newest TMA Overlake Black Belts

Here are the four latest 1st Degree Black Belts at TMA Overlake.

They are Chandra Srinavasun, Cindy Rogers. Sana Nagar and Amulya Uppula.  Cindy, Sana and Amulya have already left for college on the East Coast and Chandra is a quarter away from his Master’s degree.

The Assistant Instructor

For a lot of people this is their first exposure to teaching.  I think sometimes the Instructors and Senior Instructors forget this.  Teaching is an odd thing.  It comes naturally to some, yet others have to work at it all their teaching lives.  It doesn’t mean that one is better than the other, just that the route one travels is different.

When I first began teaching martial arts over ten years ago it was not my first time teaching, but it was my first time teaching something as interactive as martial arts.  It did not come naturally to me.  I was fortunate enough that when I first started I taught both a youth class and an adult class.  Problem was I treated the youths like adults and the adults like youths.  Looking back it was probably easier for me to identify with the adults – someone my own age – than it was with the youths.

When I was told this I was not only surprised but defensive.  I also had to look inward and admit that the input was correct.  I found myself consciously making an effort to identify with the students on a level that best suited them.  After some time this became second nature and my teaching style reflects this.  But in the beginning it was difficult.

Different styles and schools may have different specific tasks for the Assistant Instructor but the role is essentially the same throughout.  The Assistant Instructor is there to support the Instructor while at the same time learning what it is to be an Instructor themselves.  One thing an Assistant Instructor needs to keep in mind is that every teacher is different and has different things to offer.  There may be times that you may become frustrated with the Instructor you are working with and no longer see the value of working with them.  You might even feel you have learned everything you can from them.

Wrong.

Not to long ago I was the Assistant Instructor with the Chief Instructor of our school and there were still things I was picking up from him – nuances in pacing and variety in drills.

If you do find yourself frustrated what should you do?  Talk.  It’s the only way.  Be respectful but explain your difficulties.  It might be necessary in rare instances to find an intermediary.  The point is to persevere.  After all, it’s your education as an instructor that you are working on.  More importantly the students will know there is a problem, no matter what you or the Instructor may believe.  They will know, they always know.

When and When Not To (part 3)

This may be the last part in this series that I write.  It’s definitely the shortest  but it is by no means the end for anyone, including myself.  I often believe that I am not teaching people how to fight, but how not to.  The tools that I and my fellow instructors give our students, just as we exchange among ourselves are meant to insure safety.

What’s the best way to be safe?  To not be in danger.

What’s the most effective block?  Not being there in the first place.

How do you avoid being hit?  By not making yourself a target.

All of these ideas have something lurking in the background.  It can be hard to fathom and sometimes it’s the younger ones among us who see it first.  They haven’t had time to have had their vision clouded and distorted by time.

Wisdom.

You’re gonna know when and when not to.  It can be a difficult road, especially for those of us that have anger and other less positive emotions tucked away inside ourselves but . . .

. . . you will know.

Black Belt Advancement

Beatriz Souza, Kelsi Budinger and Bailly Silver- TMA Overlake's newest 1st degrees.

When and When Not To (part 2)

This was originally going to be about self-confidence and what it does to the safety of you and those around you.  Unfortunately something occurred in the last few days to bring about an impromptu addition of “When and When Not To.”

This is how I feel about fight clubs:

I would also like to note that in the movie Fight Club the fight club in question was started by a schizophrenic sociopath.  Also, the film itself was about much more than a bunch of dumbasses beating the crap out of each other.  Excuse my “French” but I feel very strongly about this.

So, by now you may have guessed that one or more of my teenage students participated in this idiocy and you would be right.  This has happened twice in my martial arts tenure and the result was the same both times: the student was kicked out of the school.

And rightly so.  You could argue, weakly in my opinion, that kicking the student out would be counter-productive, that the school should help rehabilitate the student rather than sever contact.  My response is simple – there is a line that was crossed and the student must take responsibility for their actions.  This isn’t the case of an eight year old miss-using his or her martial arts on the playground.  That has happened as well and that is a time that you want, and need, to keep the student in the school because they are still learning.  Even then, they know they messed up and learning is already in progress.

But in high school after years of training as a martial artist?  No, you know what’s right and wrong.  To willingly, intentionally harm another person is opposite everything we teach.  I can say with absolute certainty, “I didn’t teach that!”  I take it personally as an insult to my teaching and everything the school stands for.

Did I fail the student?  No, the student failed me.  Harsh?  Yes.  Arrogant?  Possibly but there are times when this sort of thing is true.

Do you give up an the student?  Do I give up on the student?  No, but I will admit I’m human and this affects me greatly.  Mostly I’m angry and in order for me to move forward I will have to get past that and in instances like this it will take a little time I’m sad to say.

I’ve never said this before but feel I need to now.  The opinions expressed in this blog are my own and do not reflect those of anyone else including my Chief Instructor, fellow instructors and those that I teach.  I always welcome comments and criticism because I feel those who make it, should be able to take it.

When and When Not To (part 1)

You’re seven years old and it’s recess.  You and your friends are just hangin’ around when the school bully walks up to you.  He’s bugged you in the past and you’re sure he’s going to bug you again, especially since he’s in a “wedgie phase.”  You’ve had enough.  You have taken some martial arts and you are finally going to stand up to him.  He walks up and you throw a punch at him.

WRONG.

How wrong is this?  Well for starters:

• You started it.
• You hit him without warning.
• You probably missed.
• You both got hurt.
• Others may have gotten hurt.
• You both ended up in the principal’s office.
• You misused your martial arts.

“But . . . but . . . but . . .”

No “buts” about it.  You were wrong.

A responsible and respectful martial artist uses their art to keep themselves and their loved ones safe and healthy.  Period.  End of story.  No more questions.

But how can you tell when the use of force is necessary?  Not all situations are as cut and dry as a bully hitting you.  And how do you avoid becoming the bully yourself, as in the example above?

Youth Intermediate Class at True Martial Arts Overlake

And . . . how do you teach it to others?

There are many reasons people take up the martial arts.  Some do it for fitness, personal growth or to challenge themselves.  Others do it to be safe.

Be safe?  What is it to be safe?

Being safe is different things to different people but it usually involves a lack of fear and having piece of mind for yourself and those you care for.  That’s still pretty broad but most people know when they’re safe and when they are threatened.  They also have a good idea when they themselves are threatening.

To put it just into words, you should do just enough to keep safe.  Knowing what that limit is can be very easy or very difficult and making sure that younger students know what that is is the responsibility of the instructor and parents.

We have a simple method we teach if someone grabs you.  As you progress through the ranks the grabs get more complex but the foundation is pretty much the same.  It’s a three step method:

1. Release – get out of the grab, usually by moving the arm through the open fingers of the grab.
2. Yell “No!” – get attention to yourself.  “No!” creates interest where “Help!” may cause avoidance.
3. Escape – get to a safe person or place.  Not just away, but to a place of safety.

You’ll notice that there was no striking or attacking involved.  The idea is to be safe, not escalate the situation.  While this method is useful for all, it is most important for kids.  The odds just are not with a kid if they try and fight an adult.  It can also lead to a violent reaction, even if that wasn’t the original intent.

One of the most important aspects of teaching this type of drill is to make sure the students take it seriously.  Usually the younger they are, the more you need to stress this.  I’ve taken a fairly excited class and stopped it cold to make a point about not giggling during a self defense drill.  I’ll need to get the tempo back in the class but for that one moment it needs to be real.

When do you use force?  Should you avoid force at any cost?  Personally I do not believe that you should avoid using force at all costs.  There are too many instances where you cannot guarantee being safe while avoiding force.  Too much is in the hands of the bad guy.  The trick is knowing how much to use and not to cross the line into being the aggressor.

Be safe.  If that means escaping then you escape.  If it means controlling the bad guy then do so.  If that is not an option and in fact there are no options then you need to finish it.  You need to be safe.

Part 2 – safety in confidence and confidence in safety.