The student that wants to quit is one of the most difficult obstacles an instructor can face. There can be any number of reasons the student wants to stop training and each one has its own unique hurdles to overcome. These reasons can center around the age of the student, their rate of advancement, their interest level, any number of distractions outside the class, or any number of other reasons.
The sad part is that to the student, any one of these reasons can sound valid, and in fact may be valid. The problem needs to be finding the value in the training for the student. without the value for the student, they have no reason to be there other than their mother told them to.
The Parent
Speaking of the parent, it is often the parent that starts the student down the path of training. They can do it for any number of specific reasons but the end result is the same – they want their kid to be a better person.
After spending what should be a significant amount of time finding the right school with the right values the real investment for the parent begins in time, money and emotional energy. Kids may not appreciate just how much the parent puts into their training. It’s more than just paying their tuition and driving them to class. Often I think they miss that.
We require each student to make a speech every time they are promoted through the ranks. This may sound tedious at times but it’s done for a very good reason. We want the student to think about what got them to that specific achievement, including the effort they made themselves. We also want them to think about what their family has done to support them.
The School
The school is where it all happens and it is more than four walls and a ceiling. It doesn’t even have to be that. Our particular school started in a garage. others have begun in parks, rec centers and other unimaginable places. It’s not the building that makes the school, it’s the community.
And the loss of a student affects not only the student, but that community as well. The strength from a growing student can come from within, but often that path can be found through those around them. the inspiration of the school leaders, the guidance of the senior staff and chief instructor, the daily activity with friends, old and new. All of these things come together to help the student grow and advance.
The Friend
When a student leaves, they can take a friend with them. Many times they started together and when one walks away, the other follows. There are those gratifying times that the second student stays after a friend leaves. The loss of the first student is grave enough, for all involved most importantly that student but when the friend stays it means they have made the art their own. It has become something special to them and not just something they do because someone else does it.
The Instructor
The instructor is more than just a martial arts student. They have made the commitment to not only take what they have learned and pass it on, but to invest a part of themselves in each and every student.
If that is not the case, find another school because what is being taught, what is being imparted to the student is far too important to be left in the hands of someone who does not care.
That is what makes a truly great instructor – they care. They care about each and every student the teach. I didn’t realize the truth of this until I put it in these words, but it’s true. From the mother who has adopted her entire class of six-year old white belts to the rough-around-the edges master who sounds like he would tear your head off at an improper stance, they care.
You wouldn’t be learning from them if they didn’t.
The loss of a student is heartbreaking. Not only does it mean that in some way, somehow they failed to live up to their purpose for that one student but they have lost a part of themselves.
The Student
The student is everything I’ve written and more. Each student starts on a journey and only that individual can walk that path. If you stop, if you quit you have no idea what you have missed, what you may become.
Look at the first photo, look at the one below. I don’t have words for the empty space that would exist if Kyo Bum Nim Marty had quit. Thankfully I don’t have to.
Sr. Instructor Marty Budinger testing for 3rd Degree Black Belt
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